It’s decided.

It’s been 3 months and 2 weeks since my initial injury. I’ve never been a decisive person – all the what ifs compound in my mind resulting in a sort of paralysis. Operate, or not?

With all of the new data out there indicating the ACL’s ability to heal itself, it’s certainly something I’ve turned in my mind over and over again. I’ve listened to dozens of podcasts, read and collected hundreds of anecdotal stories, and flip-flopped a hundred times.

I eventually quelled the noise, meditated, and decided on surgery. Ultimately, given all the noise out there, I have to go based on feelings.

Why? Let me just log it in here:

• I don’t just have an ACL injury, but a medial meniscus injury, and past trauma to my knee (MCL sprain, ulcer and 12 stitches from a mountain bike accident) – given this history, I’m certain that I will recover and all will be fine for the next 10 years – but zooming out to >10 years, I’m feeling like no-surgery could potentially result in a worse injury down the road if I slack on strength training (e.g. full meniscus bucket handle tear). I suspect surgery will give me a better Quality of Life outcome
  
• I want to feel “safer” returning to pivoting sports even at a recreational level. Even if I’ve rehabbed my knee to an optimal state, I suspect I will not get past the mental block of knowing this instability exists
  
• At the 3 month mark (while still early days I know) I can feel instability when I make a dash and sideways pivot for the train, etc. and there’s general pain all over my knee including patellar.

These are pretty much the key reasons as to why I have decided on the operative route, and why my surgery will be taking place tomorrow (5 Feb).

However, with nerves getting to me, I find I am still flopping like a fish out of water at this 11th hour.

What I have been doing is a lot of pre-hab, though. I struggle with giving up control, so I’ve done everything I can to optimise my surgery-success outcome.

I found a well-regarded surgeon. I bought a 2nd hand spin bike from Carousell, borrowed a balance board off a friend, and have been working out at least 4 x a week. I’ve been diligent with physio (1x a week) and my personal trainer (1x a week).

My diet has been relatively healthy. I can’t keep off the carbs entirely, and have eaten the occasional cake or snack here and there but – minimal sugar, lots of anti-inflammatory foods – berries, cherries, tomatoes. Top it off with chia seeds, flax seeds, and a lot more protein (yogurt, salmon, chicken breast… chicken breast… and more chicken breast). I also bought a red-light therapy device and have been using it for ~ 15 minutes nearly every day.

I’m now doing single-leg presses at 100% of my bodyweight, single leg balancing exercises, walking 2+ hours with no issues at all, no issues walking up and down stairs (other than slight pain in my knee cap that was there even pre-injury).

Overall, my knee is feeling strong. Not entirely stable, but strong. In fact my quads are feeling the strongest they have ever been, and I have gained full ROM. Not bad, considering I could barely walk without a walking stick even in the first week of November.

Zooming out, I marvel at my body’s ability to heal and recover. I know recovery post-surgery will not be linear, but I have faith in my ability to heal and come back stronger than ever.

With that, I will go meditate, chill out and try to get some rest before the big day.